The mother-child relationship begins right from the time the baby is conceived. A mother nurtures the small being within and brings him or her to this world. While this relationship helps a child, especially a daughter, have a fulfilling childhood, it can also serve as a transmission point for passing dysfunction that the mother may have experienced in her childhood to her child. This begins the formation of a mother wound which can become a shadow within an individual – a suppressed part of the person which is not visible consciously and yet is clear in behaviours and beliefs of an individual
Mother wounds have a stronger impact on a female child. The reasons being that we live in a misogynistic world where a woman is forced to play a secondary role in a family unit as a wife, daughter or sister. Her own identity is not allowed to be developed, making her believe that she is not important. This belief system inadvertently gets passed down from generation to generation as beliefs as accepted, unquestioned behavioural patterns.
Mother wounds also consist of any anger or resentment that we may have towards our mother, when we feel they failed us as a parent.
Mother wounds may lead a woman to take illogical steps to receive her mother’s love and approval and fit in the mold that she believes to be of a ‘good daughter’. She will sacrifice her own dreams and aspirations if a male member of the family benefits from it. Women exhibiting such behaviour patterns would put other needs ahead of their own and take care of others to the point of exhaustion. Lack of self-care and low self-esteem can also make many women believe that they deserve abusive treatment being meted out to them. At times, it can also lead to resentment towards one’s own kids.
Hence, it is imperative to heal these wounds in our subconscious or they could act as a deterrent in our spiritual journey.
To heal from mother wound the first step is to accept who you are and begin to love yourself.
You literally need to ‘remother’ yourself and heal all those parts within that feel hurt or neglected. Acknowledge the pain and hurt you felt and allow yourself to grieve. Expressing your pain and anger will unburden you and would help you move past the hurt.
Developing self-awareness and allow your own personality, wants and desires to blossom.
Remember, you are not your mother. You are an individual who has likes, dislikes and the freedom to make her life choices.
The most difficult part of healing is to forgive yourself, your mother and the generations of women before who lived through these set beliefs and passed them on to you.
Also, forgive your mother for being less than perfect. Forgive yourself for wanting more than was being given to you. Forgiveness is liberating and will allow you to emerge from self-destructive anger.
These steps are not easy and it will take time to remove intergenerational trauma caused by generations of mother wounds. However, it is not impossible. A therapist well versed with working into the deep recesses of the mind – possibly a hypnotherapist could help you in this journey by removing deep-rooted grievances.
Even though mother wounds are more prominent in women, men if not parented well by a mother can suffer personality dysfunctions due to the same.
Following are some of the characteristics exhibited by dysfunctional mothers which may lead to formation of mother wounds in children
- provided support by taking care of the physical needs of the children, but didn’t give love, care, and security
- didn’t provide empathy to mirror the child’s emotions and help them label and manage those emotions
- didn’t allow the child to express negative emotions
- was extra critical
- expected the child’s support with their own physical or emotional needs
- wasn’t available to the child either because they had to work or because they were busy with their own interests (Do note, however: You can be a working mom — even a working single mom — without instilling the mother wound!)
- had suffered emotional or physical abuse themselves, didn’t process the trauma, and was therefore unable to offer love and nurture
- had an untreated mental health condition
- experienced alcoholism or drug addiction
One of my earliest clients whom I successfully healed with Reiki and Hypnotherapy had experienced a mother wound which were a part of her early childhood and youth. This client has come to me seeking to heal her childhood as she had understood that many of her personality imbalances were stemming from her childhood.
Her mother had had a difficult upbringing and a difficult marriage. As a result, she developed mental issues which were untreated for a long time. Hence the client bore the brunt of her mother’s illness (delusions, insomnia, depression) throughout her childhood and youth. Her mother has transferred her negative feelings to the client which had become a part of spiralling negative thoughts for the client.
The client underwent a series of inner child healings, chakra rebalancing and deep hypnotic sessions to heal her childhood and release the negative thought patterns that she had inadvertently adopted from her parent. These were done with the combined modules of Reiki and Hypnotherapy
The client was completely healed of these issues in a period of 5-6 months. She was regular for her follow up sessions and hence was able to achieve the desired outcomes of a wholesome life free from limiting beliefs and dysfunctional personality patterns.
She is today a successful therapist herself – able to help many with her experiences. Indeed a case in point towards the power of transformation of a determined human mind.
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